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This section provides several different ways to begin. One size, one way, does not fit all, so there are several approaches here, but all recognize that the way out of a hole is to get some new ideas and then use our minds and our hearts to build a ladder.
An Easy BeginningA simple and inexpensive way to begin to deal with some of the issues. Nathaniel Branden recognized years ago that the level of our self-esteem is a profound determinant of our life experiences. He is, in fact, one of the few professional therapists who sees self-esteem as a reality in its own right and not a by-product, as many would have it, of something like achievement. In fact, as he points out, achievement for someone with low self-esteem feels hollow. And Branden requests that we be conscious about it. He has published a number of books on the subject and if you like his approach you may wish to explore further in his work. For a somewhat more technical treatment, you might try his The Psychology of Self-Esteem (1969) and Honoring the Self (0000 and in this catalog). How to Raise Your Self-Esteem came out of experiences after the publication of Honoring the Self. "I began to see that such a book was needed when, while being interviewed..., I heard a particular question again and again: 'Dr. Branden, you have presented a ... picture of the role of self-esteem in human life, and the devastation wrought by a poor self-concept, but in simple everyday terms, what can a person do, without the aid of a psychotherapist to raise the level of his or her self-esteem? What can we do to believe in ourselves more, trust ourselves more, feel more confident about who we are?'" Realizing he had yet another book to write, he made its basic concern "the actions, both mental and physical, that advance self-esteem or undermine it." He also includes exercises and suggests everyday behaviors that raise self-esteem. And in Chapter Ten, he demolishes the idea that being concerned with
self-esteem or acting with high self-esteem is selfish. "We cannot repudiate
self without repudiating life." |
Nathaniel Branden Bantam, 1987. (7/98) Pay only: $5.20
Nathaniel Branden
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from Chapter One: How we feel about ourselves crucially affects virtually every aspect of our experience, from the way we function at work, in love, in sex, to the way we operate as parents, to how high in life we are likely to rise. Our responses to events are shaped by who and what we think we are.
Apart from problems that are biological in origin, I cannot think of a single psychological difficulty -- from anxiety and depression, to fear of intimacy or of success, to alcohol or drug abuse, to underachievement at school or at work, to spouse battering or child molestation, to sexual dysfunctions or emotional immaturity, to suicide or crimes of violence -- that is not traceable to poor self-esteem. Of all the judgments we pass, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves. Positive self-esteem is a cardinal requirement of a fulfilling life.... It has two components: a feeling of personal competence and a feeling of personal worth.
To grow in self-esteem is to expand our capacity for happiness.
Just as the acclaim of others does not create our self-esteem, neither do knowledge, skill, material possessions, marriage, parenthood, charitable endeavors, sexual conquests, or face lifts.... The tragedy is that so many people look for self-confidence and self-respect everywhere except within themselves, and so they fail in their search.
CONTENTS 1. The Importance of Self-Esteem |
© 1997, C. Grigsby, All Rights Reserved. 2 Aug 1988
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