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Another Place to BeginHere is a book that provides a program you could start today. It is a "start right now", immediate-yield approach, full of exercises and processes you can follow, with a number of good examples and case histories for illustration. It is simply organized, detailed, not overly concerned with the history of how you got to where you are but what you can start to do to change where you are. The program is based on a cognitive approach: that we can use our mind, our understanding, our ability to reason, our ability to perceive and apprehend to change and heal ourselves. Not for everyone and not a cure-all, it's worked for many. This is a good place to start.
from Chapter One: The Nature of Self-Esteem One of the main factors differentiating humans from other animals is the awareness of self: the ability to form an identity and then attach a value to it. In other words, you have the capacity to define who you are and then decide if you like that identity or not. The problem of self-esteem is this human capacity for judgment. It's one thing to dislike certain colors, noises, shapes, or sensations. But when you reject parts of yourself, you greatly damage the pyschological structures that literally keep you alive. Judging and rejecting yourself causes enormous pain. And in the same way that you would favor and protect a physical wound, you find yourself avoiding anything that might aggravate the pain of self-rejection in any way. You take fewer social, academic, or career risks. You make it more difficult for yourself to meet people, interview for a job, or push hard for something where you might not succeed. You limit your ability to open yourself with others, express your sexuality, be the center of attention, hear criticism, ask for help, or solve problems. To avoid more judgments and self-rejection, you erect barriers of defense. Perhaps you blame and get angry, or bury yourself in perfectionistic work. Or you brag. Or you make excuses. Sometimes you turn to alcohol or drugs. This book is about stopping the judgments. It's about healing the old wounds of hurt and self-rejection. How you perceive and feel about yourself can change. And when those perceptions and feelings change, the ripple effect will touch every part of your life with a gradually expanding sense of freedom.
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Matthew McKay,& Patrick Fanning A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem New Harbinger Publications, 1988 (11/97): $11.16
Matthew McKay a clinical psychologist in San Francisco, specializes in treating phobias and anxiety. Patrick Fanning is a professional writer in the mental health field. Contents 1. The Nature of Self-Esteem
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from Chapter Five: Number 7. Mind ReadingMind reading is a distorted thinking style which assumes that everyone in the universe is just like you. This is an easy mistake to make, since it is based on the phenomenon of projection--you assume that others feel the way you do, basing your assumption on a belief in a commonality of human nature and experience that may or may not actually exist. Mind reading is fatal to self-esteem because you are especially liable to think that everyone agrees with your negative opinions of yourself: "I'm boring her. She can tell I'm really a dull guy trying to fake it." "He's quiet because I was late and he's angry about it." " He is watching my every move for the lightest mistake. He wants to fire me." Mind reading leads to tragic miscalculations in your relationships. Harry was an electrician who often assumed his wife, Marie, was angry with him when she bustled about the apartment with a frown on her face. He handled this supposed rejection by becoming very terse and withdrawn. In fact, Marie frowned when she was having menstrual cramps, when she was rushed, and when she felt worried about finances. But Harry's withdrawal made it hard for her to tell Harry why she was frowning. She interpreted his withdrawal as lack of interest, and kept quiet. Harry's initial mind reading destroyed the chance for any real communication. When you're mind reading, your perception seems right, so you proceed as if it were right. You don't check out your interpretations with others because there seems to be no doubt. You can tell you're mind reading by listening closely to what you say when pressed, when asked why you made an assumption: "I just had a strong hunch." "I can just tell." "I just know." "It's my intuition." "I'm sensitive to these things." These kinds of statements show that you are leaping to conclusions without any real evidence.
from Chapter Twelve: Hypnosis for Self-Acceptance Changing Negative Programming Because subconscious memories and beliefs are difficult to influence with the "logic" of your conscious mind, you need to learn the language of the subconscious, the language of images and suggestion.
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© 1997, C. Grigsby, All Rights Reserved. 2 Aug 1988
Comments? E-mail to: Channing
